The following conversation is a brief glance inner conflicts of a gay man. Inner conflicts which rage as he watched the world unfurled around him, realised its ugliness, its capacity to be unaccepting when certain ‘conditions’ aren’t met.
Anything related to actual events is purely coincidental here.
Sub: You have suffered the ignominy of being abandoned by your parents, discarded by society, slandered by friends and cohorts? Can you give me a single reason why you should continue living?
Me: At least I have my identity. A lot of people go through their lives without discovering theirs. It does not bring pride or purpose, but a sense of peace. More than enough I think to survive.
Sub: And yet the world continues to devise newer ways to make you suffer. There are entire nations full of people who have pre-propagated hatred against you. So much so that the representatives of these nations have the right to demand death penalties in front of a hall full of UN council members, attempting to achieve otherwise.
Me: The UN is a broken organization. Even I find the notion that a bunch of countries can hold hands together and go ‘kumbaya’ in attempt to achieve unity and global peace. Everyone has their own agendas. Mine is to survive. To survive so that I may show the world that I will not wither in the face of discrimination and persecution.
Sub: (Wry smile) Ah…but here you in the comfort of your desk, sipping a hot coffee, having being afforded the freedom to make such rousing statements? How easy do you think it is for others of your ilk to say what you have said just now?
Me: It is my job to show others the way and the idea is to never break because your adversities. I have endured the worst of the worst so that I can ensure that at least a few others like me don’t.
Sub: And that will be achieved through what? Meek news conferences and social media posts?
Me: Campaigning is a big part of it. But not going into hiding is also important.
Sub: It is a good time to do it right?
Me: Do what?
Sub: Go into hiding. Given the current state of LGBT communities, I am surprised you haven’t already. Indeed I was hoping you would re-consider psychotherapy your parents tried to get you into when you “came out”. So that you can achieve complete anonymity. It just might save you.
Me: Preposterous. I will never do such a thing. It is one thing to shamelessly live a lie just for the sake of keeping up appearances. But you are talking about sacrificing everything I stand for, everything I fight for. I might as well declare myself an alien and check into a mental hospital.
Sub: Would save us a lot of bickering.
Me: Point is I am not trying to change the world. I am just trying to tweak its perspectives a bit. Members of the LGBT community are humans and LGBT rights are human rights (source: https://www.apa.org/international/pi/2012/06/un-matters). We will make our place in the world eventually. But sadly I will not be alive then.
Sub: Is it too much too hope that you and by extension I mean me will die a peaceful death?
Me: (Roll my eyes).